You forget how real life is, how cold and lonely and cruel when your eyes are open. You wake up one morning and realise that after last night you’re alone. What you thought could last forever has ended already.

You can tell yourself about opportunity, about fish in the sea, about making the right decision and not settling for less. It doesn’t seem to help though.

What you’re missing most is part of yourself, the piece you gave to them, invested in them and hoped to see grow. The view of you through their eyes, that aspect of yourself you were slowly beginning to appreciate, to love. Some people called that happiness.

That’s what hurts the most.

You’re left numb, disinterested. Back to the same old grind. An empty shell, slowly refilling over time, only to pour it all out again. Like a toilet cistern.

Cass smiled to herself. Listen to you. You’d think the world had ended.

She was on another train, standing over some old man who kept trying to rub his knees up against her, head lost in thoughts of the past, of what might have been.

She’d thought this one could last, at least for a year or two. Stop the longing for other worlds, bring her back into reality and the possibilities of life on this side. Stop her lying down every night desperately trying to find her dreams. That was all she needed, just a little time. Of course, when that year was up the story would change again.

Still, it wasn’t too much to ask, was it? Since the Separation she’d been drifting along lost, and had finally stumbled into someone who looked like they might be able to understand. Looked like they’d had their heart broken, their dreams taken away. Looked like they needed her too.

It had only lasted a couple of months.

She wasn’t even sure why it had ended. She wasn’t one of those girls constantly digging away, undermining him until he had no choice but to come crashing down into her arms. Asking him what he was thinking. Maybe that would have worked.

Cass simply got the email at work. Sitting, staring out the window at the grey sky again, waiting for a reply to keep her entertained and Bang! All over in a rush of words, like he couldn’t wait to get them out, like he’d found the turn of phrase he needed, clutched at it and pulled it down over the cliff with him.

Fuck him.

You still say things like that to yourself, as though you’re still tough, as though that side of you hadn’t died long before this. Died when you woke up with that sound in your ears, the pillow wet from the river of your dream, or was it simply your tears?

There was a tap on her shoulder and she turned around to see an old woman talking to her. Speaking at her. She smiled apologetically and motioned to her ears. I’m deaf you see. That’s why I’m standing here alone. That’s why this life seems to keep failing. That’s why I can’t seem to be happy anymore.

The woman muttered to the man sitting down about the youth of today and Cass stepped aside to let her pass.

People would believe anything.

There was no guilt, no twinge of conscience. It was useful to pretend, to yourself and others. Most of the noise of this world was better left unheard.