She tried not to be bothered by thoughts of what he was doing now, who he was doing now, but they kept scratching at her. She’d lie in bed, hot despite the cold night air, unable to sleep, unable to dream, the field at her bedhead alive but not taking her anywhere. Not even keeping these unwelcome thoughts out.

He would be out at a gig, watching the giant screen, the lights burning back and forth across the audience. He’d see faces he liked the look of, eyes that shone with availability. They’d all find their way over to him.

He wasn’t even that good looking. She could find someone much better. There was just that something in him, something that others saw, that you couldn’t help but see, that attracted you and dragged you in. He took advantage of it.

None of this should bother you. Things ended for a reason. There is still a world of possibility out there for you to dive into tomorrow. Now go to sleep.

It was no good. There was a vast emptiness in her stomach, her chest, her mind. She didn’t even want to find her dreams anymore, just forget reality. He’d be fucking someone else now.

Jesus, so what?

There was a light, constant rain playing across the roof and a chill in the air. It almost felt familiar. She had to go.

Cass slipped into jeans and a loose sweater, didn’t bother looking at herself in the mirror, slammed the door behind her on the way out. Maybe just a walk. Wallow in self-pity for a while, enjoy it. At least you feel something.

His friends were arseholes, that was one thing. Spent their time trying to one-up each other, attacking each other behind a thin veil of humour. Drinking too much, all of them unhappy.

He was unhappy too. Lost. Perhaps that was what first attracted her to him. He looked wounded, vulnerable. The split had effected them all, even those who only visited the Boulevard intermittently. She realised later it was all part of the game. He wasn’t vulnerable at all. Behind those eyes was a solid brick wall, an impenetrable fortress. She wasn’t invited in.

She’d peek at him when they were kissing, or when his body tensed just before release, hoping to see something light up in there. But he was always looking away, eyes unfocused, and what she could see told her nothing. His eyes were dead.

She hoped her eyes didn’t look the same way.

Back when the field would lead her away, when she spent her nights roaming the streets of the Boulevard, when she still remembered glimpses of the dreams which filled her nights, she hadn’t needed anyone else. Her life was complete on the other side of night, she needn’t worry about this one. Since the Separation, since her nights had been thrown back into reality, since her dreams had escaped her, love was the only thing she’d found worth pursuing.

That was another reason to end it. He was never going to be in the same place.

The rain felt good. She’d been walking with her head down, staring at her feet and letting her thoughts guide them along. She wasn’t sure how long for.

Where was she anyway?

The dark streets around her were unfamiliar. There was something about them though – maybe she’d only ever seen this part during the day. There was one building lit up on the corner.

A bar. Well, that would do. Have a drink before wandering home. If nothing else it will settle you down.

Cass walked up to the door and tried to peer in through the windows. Covered in grime. Funny, she hadn’t noticed this place before. One more of those secret little bars that seemed to pop up when no-one was looking.

She shrugged and shouldered the door open.